Keeping Up With Reality

An admission from me to you - I love crappy reality television. I really do.
Ask me in person, I won't deny it.

I spend a lot of my time keeping up with the Kardashians. Kim and her clan are like a second family to me. My sister and I call each other 'slore' ('slut-whore', for those of you not familiar with the Kardashian vernacular) as a term of endearment.
I went to the Bluebird Cafe on the King's Road on my birthday because I saw it on Made in Chelsea so many times (I saw both Cheska AND Jamie, if you're interested)
Snooki's "Where's the Beach?" moment, is one of the highlights of my life to date; if you haven't experienced this magic yet, you're welcome in advance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai7NvHZk_MI

However I wasn't always like this, oh no, I used to shun reality TV with the best of them.

I always blame my sister for my descent in to Reality TV love, she was pregnant with her first baby and asked me to watch some Reality with her to keep her company.

"Watch The Hills" she told me "I promise you, you'll really like it."

So I started watching, and I thought; "Pfft...what is this trash? Who even cares about their long shiny hair and fancy jobs and ability to afford really nice lunches? Ugh, this is so....No,Heidi, what are you doing? Are you choosing Spencer over Lauren?? Heidi, HEIDI, NOOOOOOOOO!!!"

From that moment, I was gone.

I was surprised; I was sure I would hate any, and all forms of reality TV, however I've learned to now and again be surprised by myself:

Other Things I Did Not Think I Would Like But Actually Really Do/Did
The Olympics
Fish Pedicures
Wearing a onesie


Many people have challenged me for liking reality TV, considering as an actor, I'm meant to hate it; given that it takes jobs away from talented actors/writers directors etc. 
I'm not totally silly, of course this is a really regrettable side-effect of its popularity, however we need to accept that, in 2012, reality TV is just a fact of life. In the beginning, you could forgive people for thinking it was a fad, but it's been twelve long years since Big Brother first appeared on Channel Four. If it is a fad, it's a long enduring one.

Also, for those of you who say "It's so obviously fake, how can you watch it, are you stupid?"- 

Never say this to me. I'll only think that you are silly in your brain. Of course I know it's fake, but I can still enjoy it, just as you enjoy:

Other Things That are Made Up that People Have no Problem Accepting:

• All of Middle Earth
• Kermit the Frog (Puppet)
• Cars that turn into robots that take over the world.

And please don't get me wrong, I do have standards. I saw the pilot of Geordie Shore and was terrified somehow contracting an STD off the television; I switched off after one episode.

This brings me to my point:


I think reality show celebrities have an extremely important place in popular culture.

Look, hear me out; 
How many of you have ever excitedly followed a favourite actor, director, or write on Twitter/ have seen them in an interview, and been intensely disappointed by how boring/strange, and/or thick they are in real life? 
Well I've certainly been there, and I didn't like it one bit.

Celebrity culture is arguably more of a bankable entity now than it has ever been; those who frequent the Daily Mail website for its infamous "celebrity side-bar", can agree.-
This website gets 50 million visitors a month, so it's not my fault alone for trying to keep up with Kimye*.
*For those of you not familiar with 'Kimye' please refer to the Mail Online.

Yes it is totally shameful that I read it, however I'm no normal Mail reader in that I:
a) Don't hate women
b) Don't hate people of other races
c) Don't secretly love Hitler

So why do I, along with millions of others, enjoy looking into celebrities' lives? Perhaps it's because, as human beings, we're inherently nosy, we like to know what's going on on the other side of the garden fence. Of course I'm sure of the level of schadenfreude in watching the mighty fall from grace, but I think we get a lot more out of it than that. These people presenting their lives to us, for free! Even when they go to the Emmy's and post their breakfast on Instagram and that they get drunk with P Diddy!!

So why do I condone this behavior? 
Because I totally hate actors being celebrities; I find watching an over-exposed actor a really terrible and  pointless experience.
Case in point was 2010's The Tourist with Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp. It was woeful, for many reasons other than the questionable script.
Here is my synopsis:
The woman who has 47 kids with Brad Pitt and stuck her leg out in a weird way at the Oscars and the guy who dresses up like a pirate sometimes and divorced Vanessa Paradis do pretending to be in love with each other.
It has a 20% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

These people are so famous for being themselves, that I find it hard to believe them as any character anymore. This has nothing to do with how talented they are, they're just hounded within the inch of their lives that we end up knowing every pointless detail about them.
It seems impossible to know which actors court the paparazzi and how many are truly victims of the long lense. 
But to me, the idea of being famous for being yourself is anathema to the notion of acting itself. Personally, I find the thrill of acting comes from trying to become someone totally unlike yourself.
As Uta Hagen, super famous acting tutor and all-round babe, says in her book Respect for Acting:

"One of the greatest compliments I ever received was from someone who had from someone who had seen me in about ten plays, in parts as different as Saint Joan, Blanche in A Streetcar Named Desire. He wanted to meet me because he couldn't figure out what I was really like. He thought I was so different in every part."

Sure, maybe this isn't what everyone wants from their actors, but I find that the people who I really admire, I know the least about.

I barely know anything about Daniel-Day Lewis' personal life, and that's why I believe him as both Christy Brown, and Gerry Conlon. Soon I'll be able to believe him as Abhraham Lincoln.

As long as we have these people who are content in being famous for being famous, all the better I say. 

Let's allow actors to do their job, live a private life and lets allow the Kims, Kourtneys and Khloes of this world fulfill our dirty desire for celebrity gossip.

Although again, standards; there's a line between Caggie Dunlop and Honey Boo Boo.

So there you go, there's my shameful secret, only I'm not so ashamed.

You don't have to like Reality TV, although maybe you should try it first, but if you don't, thass cool man.

However:
I like it.
It's fun.
I will continue to watch things that good actors act in, and good writers write.
But I'm there if they ever need an Irish Kardashian.

old blog - new blog

I never really had a proper blog before, I had sort of one on myspace, which died a death, but here I shall post the last of that one to the first of this one.

As follows:

I got on the plane yesterday. I was the very last one. This was entirely my fault.

I was stopped at boarding by a man who said "Do you have your letter?" as in letter of permission from my parents, to be on a flight by myself. He thought I was about 12. I shouted "I'M TWENTY-TWO" in a loud voice and was allowed to go on the plane all on my own.

As I walked on I heard a funny voice, it was a man's voice. I noticed two things:
a) He's definitely gay
b) He's definitely from Tipperary (I know this because he was saying "dere" instead of "there" and things like that)
He was the air-steward and he was the kind of man with lovely teeth that you would fancy if you were a woman in the eighties who fancied men who were on Dallas.
When he took my boarding pass he gave me a really happy smile and said
"Dats seat Nine F, down dere on de right"
For some reason I felt really happy and as I walked away I heard
"Thank you for being a friend, travel down the road and back again..."
Yes it was, the first few bars of the theme to The Golden Girls, he was singing, and I knew right then we'd established a secret friendship.

I got to my seat and sort of pressed my head against the wall, the way you do when you think something awful was going to happen, like missing a plane, but then it doesn't and the treat you give yourself is to press your head on something.

The plane took off and that was good. Then after a while the Stewards came through with the trolley.
I saw him coming and was immediately a bit excited.
When they finally got to me I ordered tea, chocolate and crisps (hangover). And he laughed in that "Oh you, I can tell you had a wild night last night" affectionate way that friends do and I laughed back to say "Oh, how well you know me!"
He then took great pains to show me every kind of chocolate bar they had on the trolley

"We have the kit-kats, the snickers, the twirls..."
"Oh I'll just have one of those Divine ones"
"Right I'll have to make life harder for you, we have the dark and the milk"
"I'll just have the milk"
"Great stuff."

I enjoyed my odd combination of things, kind of invented hangover cure that I convinced myself was working.
The tea took a while though.
When it's particularly lovely tea you have to take your time otherwise what's the point?
So they came to collect the rubbish and I hadn't finished (panic)
But then my buddy came over and saw that I was trying to gulp it down to give back the cup and he said

"Now you, you take your time (smile)"

I was so happy, it felt like we were best plane friends and I'd just got special consideration that no-one else had and that me and my buddy in years from now when we've become wonderful friends watching re-runs of The Golden Girls in our messy but charming flat would remember the day we met and I'd say

"Remember the day you were so nice to me and let me finish my tea?"

I got off the plane and we said goodbye. And it was sad.
I had a really, genuinely terrible day yesterday, but I'll remember my secret friend, if not for always, for a good long while.
Or at least whenever I see The Golden Girls



"your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidante..."